What Will They Think of Next?

I consider myself to be a tolerant person.  I live my life trying to respect others and the choices they make.  I understand we are all different and require different things to achieve happiness.  But some things are natural and to tamper with them goes against the very grain of humanity.  You know what I am talking about.  Birds mate with birds, bees with bees.  Some things are ordained by God.

So just who in the HELL thought it was a good idea to deep fry macaroni and cheese????  I pulled up to the Sonic Drive Thru and when I pushed the button, the disembodied voice intoned:  WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY OUR DEEP FRIED MACARONI AND CHEESE BITES?  No thanks, but I’d like to vomit all over your machine!

On the 8th day God created the Kraft company and He saw that it was good.  He caused the Kraft company to issue forth many products to please the man and the woman He had created.  He caused there to be Kraft American Singles (a pasteurized, processed cheese food) and He saw that they were good.  Then God caused there to be Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and the man and the woman rejoiced in the glory of powdered cheese sauce.

From the beginning, Kraft mac and cheese has been a pure food.  So, possibly, the bright orange powdered cheese is not completely natural.  Maybe there are a few unneccessary additives.  Fine, but it still tastes good.  Nothing sums up the essence of childhood like Kraft mac and cheese.

What I want to know is which genius on the Sonic management team decided to deep fry it?  Here is the advertising pitch from their website:

Mac & Cheese Snacks
Today I’d like to introduce the term “unrestricted eating.” It refers to eating whatever you want, whenever you want it. Like macaroni & cheese, for example. Typically, you’d need a bowl, spoon and both hands to enjoy this quintessentially American dish. Lucky for you, SONIC® invented Mac & Cheese Snacks—a cheesy favorite packed into crunchy bite-size morsels. It’s portable and pop-able. Which means you can now have Mac & Cheese anytime, anywhere. So like I said, it’s “unrestricted eating.” Got it?

Yes, thank you very much, I GOT IT!!  You need a bowl and a spoon to eat mac and cheese because that is how God INTENDED us to eat it!!  Nowhere on the Kraft box are we given the instructions for deep frying it.  Microwaving, yes, but no deep frying at all.  Because that is abomination of the highest order!!  And by the way Sonic geniuses, unrestricted eating is exactly why America has the highest obesity rate in the developed world.  Unrestricted eating equals oink oink!!

I have to admit I am a wee bit curious as to how a mac and cheese bite is created.  How do they clump it all together?  Super glue?  Rat droppings?  I would love to know the secret.  It looks battered, so I guess after they clump it together with their top secret (patent pending) clumping technique, they glop it into batter and it’s ready to be shaped into a round patty and deep fried.  I don’t know about you, but the idea of eating a deep fried macaroni and cheese patty is morally repugnant.  It goes against everything our founding fathers stood for when they helped create this great country.  It goes against God.

I dare one of you to go to Sonic and order some macaroni and cheese bites and eat them.  They must be tasty, right?  Don’t you want to try them?  Call me and I’ll go with you.  It’s my treat. 

Happy Hour at SONIC!
  
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16 Comments

  1. Satan
    Posted November 10, 2007 at 7:36 pm | Permalink

    Again you are confused. God created REAL macaroni and cheese. Kraft macaroni and cheese was MY creation.

    But even I wouldn’t create fried mac and cheese. Gag me with a ginzu.

  2. Gina
    Posted November 10, 2007 at 8:58 pm | Permalink

    Ok, you and Satan are both disturbed. You can batter dip and fry ANYTHING (well, ok, even I don’t get fried pickles, but I won’t eat them unfried either) and it only makes it better. So I will take you up on your offer. When should I meet you at Sonic?

    BTW, we should go back to the old site. Didn’t you once do a whole entry on you can fry anything? I believe you did. So I should be taking you. :-p

  3. dailydiatribes
    Posted November 10, 2007 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    Ok, but I have STANDARDS!!! Fried Macaroni and Cheese????? Fried pickles seem normal in comparison!! I did do a blog, but I think it was about fried twinkies. It’s ok to fry sweet things; that just enhances the sweetness!! Doughnuts are fried, so a twinkie is a lot like a doughnut!

  4. Kiki
    Posted November 10, 2007 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    No… I am sorry–deep fried Oreos–gross. And, more disturbingly, I was offered some fried cheesecake at a certain fellow parishoner’s new restuarant the other day at lunch with my mother. No thank you! I’m sorry, but only Southerners could really come up with a way to ruin a perfectly beautiful dessert. Or any other item for that matter, be it Mac and cheese, pickles (okay, I could handle a pickle) or Twinkies. Yes, I like Krispy Kreme as much as the next peron, but Oreos and Twinkies already have that deadly “creme” in the middle and that is bad enough. It cetainly doesn’t need to be fried as well! Give me a nice funnel cake or some french fries anyday. Things that are supposed to be fried!

  5. Gina
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 7:28 am | Permalink

    I think the best sandwhich I have ever had was the invention of a healthy vegetarian. We were at a little bar and grill downtown. They had a whole list of sandwhiches she couldn’t eat, burgers, and a couple of salads which, of course, were covered with meat. The had a section of their menu called “fryers.” Basically a few different sandwhiches which had been batter dipped and fried. So she asked them to make her a Fryer on an onion roll with a slice of each of the cheeses they had. It was incredible! Became the new favorite of the group. I was so rich it took about 4 people to eat one. Yum.

  6. Bandaide Lady
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    How can Sonic think fried mac and cheese was their idea?? Cheesecake Factory had (has?) it on their menu. Never ate it and don’t intend to. But love fried pickles and fried cheese cake is not too bad, altho would rather just have plain ole cheese cake. And how about the good ole Monte Cristo sandwich? It is basically a sandwich dipped in something similar to a pancake batter and fried, pretty tasty.

  7. Dr. Renee
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    I hear the sound of co-pays forever in my future! Cha-ching!

  8. dailydiatribes
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    I’ll give you fried cheesecake; that doesn’t sound too bad! But mac and cheese….it just don’t look right!! I was trying to find the post about fried twinkies. Weren’t we all gonna get together and have a frying party?

  9. Gina
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    Yes, we were.

  10. Nancy S
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    Let me know when the fry party is – I have a deep fat fryer ready to go!

  11. Mojo
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    Kiki…ever noticed how mac and cheese is listed as a vegetable choice at many restaurants? Now, THAT’S only in the south! Drives me crazy! 🙂

  12. Kiki
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 7:30 am | Permalink

    Mojo, I’ve noticed at many restaurants it is actually a childrens’ entree! That’s weird! Where’s the protein (surely, that “cheese” is devoid of nutritional value), where’s the fiber? Where the veggies?
    People eat junk food everywhere–but in the South they over cook it too–over boil, over fry. I just don’t get it.

  13. Satan
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    Renee,

    I taught you well. That comment confirmed your reservation in the greedy doctor wing of hell. It’s next to the squirrel murderer wing, so you and Jennifer can share wicked stories for all eternity.

  14. Teensy
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 6:13 am | Permalink

    Hey, I’m very southern. I love my grandmother’s fried okra and squash. But I will admit, don’t mess with the mac and cheese. The restaurants don’t even come close to true southern mac and cheese. Ya can’t just melt cheese over mac noodles and call it mac and cheese. Come to my house and I’ll teach you how to make it right! I love my southern food!!

  15. Kiki
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 7:36 am | Permalink

    Teensy dearest, I am not insulting all Southern Cuisine, and I love fried food (done right of course) but not this stuff that is boiled to within an inch of its life until it has no flavor and is just a mushy mess–I’m thinking more specifically of “veggie” plates hawked to lunch crowds across this city. I love fried chicken and fried okra, but fried twinkies, cheesecake, and mac and cheese? Some things just don’t need to be fried.

  16. Teensy
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    Totally agree Kiki. Can you say clog the ole pipes!!! I guess it keeps Renee in business. ; )


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