Is There Something You Want To Ask Me???

I was in the car, on my way to pick up the goddess, when the phone rang.  I had already had a stellar afternoon.  Amy threw up on the bus on the way home from school and I had to meet the bus to pluck her from it.  She cried all the way home and blamed me for buying her the Nacho’s Lunchable which had caused her to throw up.  Typical.  It’s not a virus, it’s mom!

I picked up my phone and saw it was my friend Debbie, so I answered immediately.  She’s always good for a laugh.

“Hello,” I said cheerfully.

“Hey,” she said.  “Is there something you want to ask me?”

This blanked me.  What kind of opening was that?  What was I supposed to ask her?  If she wanted to go to the prom?

“Uh, no,” I said cautiously, not sure where the conversation was going.

“Are you SURE there’s nothing you needed to ask me?” she said again.

I was completely confused.  I was already rattled by the vomiting child and the traffic and now we were playing twenty questions. 

“Um, uh, well….” I said intelligently.

“I was talking to Dava after school and she asked me if we were going to the Brunos she said.  “So when I got home I checked my email, but there was no invitation.” 

There was silence on my end.   A huge panic was beginning, deep down inside.  Had I invited someone to a party and then forgotten about it??  Were people going to show up, ready to party all night, only to find me in my pajamas, eating popcorn? 

“Um, Debbie, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally said.  “I don’t think I’m having a party, but if I was having a party, when would it be?”

“I didn’t ask,” she said.  “I just assumed my invite would be there when I got home.”

This was quite a conundrum.  Now I was in the position of having to apologize to someone for not inviting her to a party I didn’t even know I was having.  I started to wonder what kind of party I was having and if I hadn’t invited Debbie, just who had I invited?

“Are you sure she said she was coming to my house?” I asked.  “Because as far as I know, to the best of my knowledge, I’m pretty sure I don’t think I’m having a party.  Unless I invited her and then forgot about it.”

“Well, she said she was coming over,” Debbie said adamantly.

“I guess I’ll have to call her and see when I invited her over,” I said.  “Because I don’t want her to come over with her family and me not know she’s coming.”

“Don’t do that,” she said immediately.  “Then she’ll know I was upset and I called you.”

“But Debbie,” I said, “I have to call her.  Because I need to know if I did invite her over and when she’s coming and who else I invited.  What if I’m having a party and I forgot???”

I was really in a panic.   I do stupid things ALL the time; just read my blog!  So it was completely conceivable that I could have invited someone over and forgotten about it.  I can see it now, she and I are talking and I say “why don’t you bring the kids and come on over?  I’ll roast a lamb in the front yard and we’ll play spin the dreidl.”  I mean, stranger things have happened in my life.

So I hung up with Debbie and called Dava.

“Hey, how are you?” she said cheerfully.

“Great,” I said.  I was uncertain how to proceed because this was a strange conversation.  I decided to just bull ahead and blurt it out.  “Um, Dava, hey, did I um, invite you over for a party?”

“Wha–at?” she said.

“Well, um, Debbie called and said you said you were coming over to my house and well, um, I was wondering, um, when exactly you were coming over and if I, um, well, you know, invited you over?  Cause you know you’re always welcome, but well, I was wondering when you were coming??!!”  I was feeling more and more stupid by the second.

She burst out laughing and said “No, you didn’t invite me over.  When did Debbie say I was coming?”

I was immensely relieved and said “she didn’t say.  She just assumed she would have an invitation too.  I’m just glad I didn’t forget I invited you over!!”

We puzzled over it for a few minutes, trying to decide how Debbie had gotten the idea, but we couldn’t figure it out.  By that time, I had pulled up to the school, so I told her goodbye and ran in to get the goddess.  But as soon as I was back in the car, I called Debbie back.

“Hello,” she said, and then started to laugh.  “I don’t know what the HELL I heard,” she said.  “I could have SWORN she said she was going to your house!  But Dava says what she said is ‘are you taking the CHEESE to the Brunner’s house?”

This actually made sense to me.  Last week, Dava had borrowed our sacred Cheddar Heads, worn for all Green Bay Packer football games, to use as props in her school play.  Debbie lives close by, so it made sense she would be the one to return them.  Let me also interject here that Debbie is insanely, hugely pregnant with her SIXTH child, so she can be excused for lapses in sanity!

“Well I’m glad I’m not having a party I don’t know about,” I said.  And I promise next time I have a party, I’ll invite you first!”

In conclusion, if you ever think I am having a party and you are not invited, please check with me first to see if I am even having party.  Because I might not remember I am having one!



  1. Teensy
    Posted November 6, 2007 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

    No, wait, I’m pretty sure I’m down to bring the crackers that go with that cheese. I’ll check my book and get back to you.

  2. Kiki
    Posted November 6, 2007 at 8:12 pm | Permalink

    Wait a second now–where’s my invite to the cheese party–tomorrow afternoon right after school you say?????

  3. Renee
    Posted November 6, 2007 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    Oh, wait. You mean I’m NOT supposed to come over tomorrow night with a bottle of wine? Party pooper.

  4. Mojo
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 12:07 am | Permalink

    LMAO! I can just HEAR this exchange between you and Debbie!

    Well, for this party you aren’t going to have and not invite me to, do whatever you wish, but remember, Teensy is the ONLY one who will chase your choking butt into the powder room from hell to be sure you don’t die alone there.

    For this reason, you better be certain at LEAST Teensy gets an invite.

    Well, and I guess Renee should be included, too. She can at least confirm the cause of death expeditiously, saving the coroner a trip.

    Kiki, Gina and I will have the decency to cry, so be sure to not invite us just like you didn’t invite Debbie…or Dava. 🙂

  5. Nancy S
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    Well, you did tell me on Sunday that you are having an Iron Bowl party the Saturday after Thanksgiving. You haven’t forgotten that, have you?

  6. Kiki
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

    Well, now she has to invite everone who ever reads this blog to her party! Whoo hoo-way to go Nancy! I’ll see you there! Cheers!

  7. Satan
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    I’ll bring the squirrels.

  8. Renee
    Posted November 7, 2007 at 8:44 pm | Permalink

    I’ll bring wine, baby carrots and my expertise in the Heimlich maneuver.

    Jennifer, you crack me up! I was laughing out loud on this post. It was SO you.

  9. Nancy S
    Posted November 8, 2007 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    So far, she has managed to keep Don from finding out where she lives, but it should be interesting to see Satan and Squirrel Nutkin at the party.

  10. Bubbacus Maximus
    Posted November 8, 2007 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    Ms Bombeck, move over. Someone is nipping at your heals.

  11. Dixie
    Posted November 8, 2007 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    Oh well, I got a little nervous when she called and asked. You know that feeling of what have I said, what have I done, am I caught? You know I tend to be a little looney as well. Kiki, you tickled me (laughing out loud) on the “woo hoo Nancy” part! So does this mean we are invited to the Iron Bowl party – just kidding, I do remember the mention of this, just not in stone! By the way, the cheese was great!! The best part of the show in my opinion!

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