The Post Halloween Post


I love Halloween more than other holiday, but I am glad it’s over for another year.  There is the stress of finding the perfect costume.  There is the stress of buying the perfect costume.  There is the stress of make-up application, accessorizing and picture taking.  Thank goodness it’s only once a year.

The costumes were the easy part this year.  John had decided, early on, that he would be a Roman gladiator.  We bought a metal trash can last year to cook a turkey in (see old blog) and he was captivated by the lid; it’s a perfect shield!  His toga was an old red bedsheet, cleverly folded so the bright blue border printed with trucks could not be seen.  Amy had a lot of angst about her outfit, but finally came up with a pair of Mork suspenders and a beanie cap with a propeller; she was a dork.  The goddess chose the “Ruby the Pirate Beauty” costume at Party City, a costume which should have been titled “Ruby the Pirate Slut”.  Yes, it’s true, I let my six year old dress like a skank for Halloween.  I’m skipping church today too.  My sins are legion.

By the big night, it was evident John’s Roman sandals, for which I paid $8.99, were not going to work.  They were too flimsy, so he tossed them aside for a pair of flip flops.  Amy’s beanie cap and the propeller parted ways.  The skull pendant which the goddess had chosen to accessorize her skank outfit broke.  We also lost the narrow strip of black nylon that was supposed to be tied around her head and NOTHING could replace it!  Nothing!!!  The tantrum was truly spectacular.  I mean, if you’re going to be a skank pirate, you have to have the attitude to go with it!  Not an auspicious start to the evening.  The soup I had made did not come out right.  The chicken noodle soup turned into chicken noodle mush.  The minestrone was too watery.  I hate holidays.  I was ready to go trick or treat and get the evening the hell over with.

 We started a tradition last year, after we purchased our lawn care company.  We take the trailer that hauls the lawnmowers and load all the kids we can onto it and drive around the neighborhood.  Our subdivision does not lend itself to trick or treating; it’s very hilly and the houses are spaced far apart, so the trailer helps avoid tired legs and theoretically avoids the whining which accompanies tired legs.  Our kids however, being the industrious sort, simply found something else to whine about.

By 6 p.m. we were ready to roll.  My friend Julie showed up with six of her seven kids and the trailer was full.  We chugged up to the main road and pulled off to let them visit the first set of houses.  It was a perfect night, unseasonably warm, and clear as a bell.  The kids were squealing with glee, thrilled to be knocking on unfamiliar doors and taking candy from strangers.  Truly, there is no better holiday!

We moved on to the next stop and the kids were having a great time.  They were raking in candy by the pound.  It was going so well, I should have known it was too good to be true.  After all, there were no less than 18 children on our trailer.  That’s an awful lot of children to count.  So it should come as no surprise that we lost a couple on that stop.

No, I am not lying.  We left a couple behind.  Go ahead and call DHR now.  Please.  I think all children should be removed from my home and placed in protective custody.  What are you waiting for??? Call now!! 

Seriously, Julie’s youngest son got on the trailer and he told me Catherine and Amy were not with us.  “Oh no, they’re in the truck,” I told him.  “Don’t worry about it.”  But he was unconvinced and kept craning his head to look in the back of the pickup truck.  We pulled away, went two blocks, turned right and went two more blocks.  Everyone got off, then Tom told them to get back on because we were going even further, so he wouldn’t have to park the trailer in the middle of the street.  When he stopped again, the kids all piled off. I was sitting in my chair, when my phone rang.  I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it anyway.

“MOM, YOU LEFT US!!!”  Amy yelled into the phone.

“What???” I said, not believing her, although a terrible sense of foreboding flooded me.  I stood up and looked into the pick up truck; no girls.

“Where Are You?” she said and I could hear her panic.  “I had to borrow a phone to call you and I don’t know where you are!”

About that time, I saw my hopes of winning “Mother of the Year” float down the drain.  “Where are you?” I asked her, hoping maybe she was not too far away.  I had images of my baby running through the dark neighborhood, pursued by vampires and goblins, her last moments of life tainted by the knowledge she had been abandoned by her mother.

“I don’t know, but we’re with John,” she said.  Some of the panic went out of me; at least she was with her brother, although considering he had a sword, she probably still wasn’t really safe. 

“TOM,” I hollered, “We left some kids behind!!!”  I handed him the phone so he could try and figure out where she was and I slumped back into my chair.  Leave it to me to lose a kid or two.  Luckily, we still had all the little ones.  We continued trick or treating and eventually Amy and Catherine caught up with us.

Once we had everyone accounted for, the rest of the night was reasonably smooth.  We finished our night by walking through a haunted house one of the neighbors had set up in his basement.  I stayed on the trailer with Julie and tried to ignore my bladder which was crying out to be relieved of the beer I had foolishly imbibed. 

We got home at 8:30 and the little angels were tucked into bed by 9:00, full of sugar.  The worst part about the end of Halloween is it makes Christmas loom that much larger on the horizon!  Now it’s time to take down the Halloween decorations and get out all the Christmas crap.  Can I get a BAH HUMBUG???  



  1. Teensy
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Sounds a lot like our night with the Harlows in Balantra but without losing the kids, trailor and all. At Mass today, Braydon cried to come home b/c he was too tired and I do mean cried. I made him go back to school. If I don’t get time off for being tired, they don’t either! Hey, they wanted to stay up late with the friends!
    By the way, do you have Anna?

  2. Kiki
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    Oh please–can you wait until Thanksving is over to haul out the Christmas stuff? Give me a break! If I hear an Xmas song this weekend–I’m leaving the country!
    My children were marvelously well behaved, seeuing as I was missing the husband to help push them along and yell at them. I ended up going with my two nephews as well, and they were all happy. My little vampire made me proud–he was tired but didn’t whined at all. They got a fabulous haul, some good exercise and came home and we all passed out!

  3. Nancy McCrite
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    I loved the soup! My kids have requested to go bowls of the chicken noodle. Sorry we missed the actual trick or treating! Let’s make a pact. I’ll tell you if Tim is hiding a new Lexus in my basement and you let me know if Andy is going to make this a December to remember!

  4. Dr. Renee
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    Josh looks like he’s wearing a red ball gown with leather trappings! My 12 yo daughter was a “nerd,” looking pretty much like Abby, except with old glasses held together with tape.

  5. dailydiatribes
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 12:41 pm | Permalink

    Teensy, just where is “Balantra”? It sounds like some mythical fairy kingdom??? Or should I say Faerie? You sure Braydon didn’t get switched out there?

  6. Gina
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    Kiki, they are starting to show the grinch next weekend! Seriously.

  7. Teensy
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    Ok Jen, you have to get onto everyone else for their spelling too!!! I’m with Kiki. I need to get through Thanksgiving before the Christmas stuff starts!!! I love Christmas!! Love it. Love to see my dad dressed as Santa and the children’s Mass on Christmass Eve, but let’s wait until the other holidays are done!!! Ahhhhh.

  8. Kiirah2008
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 4:48 pm | Permalink

    Hey aunt jenn,
    I don’t have to look for the perfect costume. I found it when i was nine and have dressed up as her ever since! Thats right! I have been Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz for almost nine years and iam not ashamed of it! But now that iam 18, it can seem a little creepy dressing up by myself, lol. But ever costume party i go to (not including one), i have gone as Dorothy. i just love the red glittery high heels!
    p.s.- I love Christmas!
    -Love ya, Kiirah

  9. Kiki
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

    Kiirah, I think that is cool! Wylie’s been a vampire for the last 3 years or so…it is so easy! I certainly hope you’ve gotten a bigger costume since you were 9!

    And by the way, I love and adore Christams too! But it gets ruined when you see Christmas decorations in the store in August! Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, and I love the autumn. Let’s give it a rest and put the tree up after Thanksgiving (and the lights and the music and the movies. It makes me sad that people are so sick of it by the 26th and rip the tree and decorations down and stop the music onn the day after Christmas-the real 12 Days are the 26 through Epiphany on the January 6th–in “olden times” that’s when the party just got started! I say we should revive that tradition!

  10. Teensy
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    Again, ditto Kiki! We don’t even do the tree thing until atleast the second weekend in Dec. Must have my holidays one at a time. This weekend, down come the Halloween, up go Thanksgiving. Then down come Thanksgiving, up go the Alabama/Auburn decorations, etc.

  11. dailydiatribes
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 7:19 pm | Permalink

    Teensy, you better watch out or I’ll delete you altogether!! And I love cheap pizza!! No more totino’s for me!!!

  12. Kiki
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    Love ya ,Teensy!

  13. Teensy
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    You know you love me too much for that Jen!! Who would ya get to help with Halloween? Ok, you’d find someone but they wouldn’t be as much fun!!!
    Right back at ya Kiki!!!!

  14. dailydiatribes
    Posted November 1, 2007 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    You’re turning my witty, acerbic blog into a LOVE FEST!!! Stop it right now!!!

  15. Teensy
    Posted November 2, 2007 at 5:19 am | Permalink

    As long as it’s not a blog for swingers!!! Then I’m out of here!!!!!!!!
    Love ya man!!!!

  16. Dixie
    Posted November 5, 2007 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    Okay, I am one of those Christmas lovers that can’t wait to have that COZY feeling in front of the tree with the music playing for 2 months, sipping cider by the fire (that is when it is cold enough to build a fire). Call me a freak, a sap, whatever! I love Thanksgiving too! It is my birthday! Love the kids costumes. Syd was a geek too! I got off cheap in the bargain bin with the babies. Power Rangers and Cinderella never die! Madi wore her costume for the play and Greyson had to have the $40 Evil Jester and accessories and didn’t even wear it. We had a VERY enjoyable evening, just my family, no one else. I forgot what that was like:) Missing all of you!!!

  17. Dixie
    Posted November 5, 2007 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    OH MY…I ALMOST FORGOT…I love Andrew in the corner of your pic:) 🙂 🙂 And he lives on!

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