The goddess is in first grade. Every day, on lined paper reminscent of those mythical Big Chief tablets, she writes her daily news. At our first parent conference, her teacher gushed about the goddess’s news. “She is always done first,” her teacher raved, “and she never needs help finding something to say. We never have to correct it; she comes up with everything on her own.” Bitter, bitter words which held more meaning than I knew.
When I got home Sunday night, nose plugged up, drooping with exhaustion, the goddess brought me her backpack and I was able to peruse Friday’s daily news. Her name is written in pseudo-cursive along the top and there is a big smiley face from her teacher on it. Obviously, her teacher saw nothing wrong with the news. Probably, she even got a good laugh, being the hard worker she is!
“TODAY IS FRIDAY OCTOBER 28 2007. TOMORROW I HAVE A SOCCER GAME. I DEEMD IT’S MY LAST ONE.”
Let me interject here that she likes to use a lot of big words, not always correctly, and it’s a trait she inherits from me. She also poses a lot of questions, I guess because she has an endless amount of those and it fills up the news.
“IT’S PECULIAR THAT ETHAN THREW UP.”
I find this peculiar as well. I would have liked a little more information on that tidbit. Where did he throw up? In the classroom? Did it come out of his nose? Had he been drinking chocolate milk? I need to ask these questions when she comes home today.
“I AM GOING TO BE A VET LIKE MY DAD.”
Because he is the hero. Oh that dad, what a great guy! He has a profession and he saves lives. Not like mom. I have to give her major points for paragraph construction because she really sets it up quite well. That sentence is placed for maximum effect. It lets you know Dad is the real power player in the equation. And mom….well, hey, did you know Ethan threw up?
“DID YOU KNOW MY MOM DOESN’T HAVE A JOB?”
There it is…………SLAM!!!!!!!!!! Right there in black and white block letters for the whole world to see!! Mom is a deadbeat!! Mom eats bon-bons all day!!! Mom is a parasite, draining the financial life blood right out of good old hard-working Dad!!!
It cut me to the quick, I tell you. Because I do have a job. It’s a hard job and thankless too! It’s called “MOTHERHOOD”!!! And no one appreciates me!! No one cares that even though I am knocking on death’s door, I still managed to put hot meals on the table Sunday night and Monday night. No one cares that they still have clean underwear in the drawer (or at least stacked on the dining room table). Because, at the end of the day, MOM DOESN’T GET A PAYCHECK! So that makes her a little less admirable than dear old Dad.
She finishes the news with the declaration “I AM 6.” And that’s the end. No redemption for Mom. No sentence like “MY MOM DOESN’T HAVE A JOB BUT SHE IS A GREAT MOM EVEN THOUGH SHE PLAYS ON THE COMPUTER A LOT.” Or even “I DON’T WANT MY MOM TO GET A JOB BECAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE TO BE IN DAYCARE 12 HOURS A DAY AND I WOULD BE SICK ALL THE TIME AND I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO PLAY SOCCER BECAUSE MY MOM WOULD BE WORKING HARD TO EARN A PAYCHECK AND SAVE LIVES AND WOULD NEVER HAVE TIME TO EAT BON BONS OR GO TO LUNCH WITH HER FRIENDS OR BLOG.” She cut me to the quick and then left me bleeding.
I did ask her last night at the dinner table, because we eat dinner at the table at least three nights a week (take THAT June Cleaver!!), if she wanted me to get a job. She shook her head and said “no way mommy!” So I guess I’ll have to assume she meant the statement as a compliment, even though it came across as the ‘Dis of the century! She really does love me, but she doesn’t want to BE me when she grows up! Well, I guess I can’t blame her; veterinarian is a whole lot more glamorous than hausfrau!!