It Lives Under the Bathroom Sink

Today found me in a mood to declutter.  Normal folks would start with the areas that people see, but that is too mundane for me.  I don’t mind things out in the open; I happily step around piles of junk.  What haunts me is the hidden messes no one can see, under my sink and in my closet.  I wonder what Freud would make of that?

Anyway, I decided it was time to see exactly what was underneath my sink.  I have an L-shaped counter on my side of the bathroom, and it is deep and wide….all you Methodists join me here:  DEEP AND WIDE, DEEP AND WIDE, MY BATHROOM SINK IS DEEP AND WIDE……Makes me want to hit a tent revival!  CAN I GET AN AMEN????!!!!

Anyway, there is ample room under my sink for all sorts of crap to lurk, so  I took a deep breath and plunged in.  My first pass revealed 47 bars of hotel soap and 38 bottles of hotel mouthwash.  What in the hell was I keeping all that for, I wondered?  I don’t even use mouthwash.  I also found five hotel showercaps.   I have never used a showercap in my entire life.  Ever.  Needless to say, it all hit the trash.

Next I discovered a baggie with some ugly jewelry in it marked “$22 for set”.  Now I know good and well I didn’t buy it, so where did it come from?  Are any of you missing a necklace of weird pink beads with matching weird earrings?  That you were selling for $22?  No?  Well, I can make you a good deal on it.  $18 for the set, and I’ll even throw in the bizarre gold ball earrings I also found under the sink, at no extra charge!

There was a hurricane globe with fall leaves around it.  Why did I put it under the bathroom sink?  The world may never know.  I chucked it in the garbage.  I was starting to have a good time.  There’s nothing like purging to get your blood pumping! 

Into the garbage went the three almost empty containers of dental floss.  “Begone”, I said to the torn hairnets.  “I shall not save you for a rainy day,” I said to the seven eyeliner pencils in ugly shades.  I was on fire, throwing things away that had been lurking around for years.  How about that nasty smelling perfume from a gift basket my husband won in a drawing seven years ago?  If I haven’t used it in seven years, it’s hardly likely to grow on me now!

I threw away mostly empty lotion bottles and nasty looking ponytail holders.  I accepted that the 1/8 inch of moisturizer left in the bottle would not regenerate and fill itself back up, so I tossed it.  Dried up nail polish?  Gone.  Three ancient tubes of mascara, guaranteed to transmit flesh eating bacteria right into your eyeball?  Gone.

I did find one sweet treasure.  Many years ago, on a trip up north, the goddess got her first hair cut and we wrapped some of her golden locks up for posterity.  I found it in a travel bag with a couple of bottles of hotel mouthwash.  I unwrapped it and stared, trying to remember when her hair was that soft and ferociously blonde.  I was pretty sure the golden tresses pre-dated the first time she said “I hate you!”

Well, I filled an entire garbage bag with the crap from under the sink.  I found four large tubes of toothpaste and twelve bars of soap, so I figure I won’t have to buy any until this time next year.  I can hardly wait to clean  my closet.  There’s no telling what I can unearth from in there!



  1. Gina
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    You know a great use for all the hotel stuff? Put it in a bag and bring it to the women’s shelter. They can use those kinds of things. I know, not looking for answers, but what a waste of something that can be used.

  2. dailydiatribes
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    I took most of it out there months ago. This was just leftover squished soap, and mouthwash. I didn’t figure it was worth a trip downtown to deliver mouthwash. Also, i tend to go for hyperbole….there might not have been exactly 47 bottles of mouthwash…

  3. Gina
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    See, I actually have about 47 bars of sample soap… and shampoo… and lotion… hell, next time you go tell me and I’ll give you a bag of stuff to take. 😉

  4. merediff
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

    please tell me you kept the goddess’ hair. it will be worth big bucks one day.

  5. dailydiatribes
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

    I forgot to mention the Nightmare Before Christmas wine charms I found under there….why did I put those under the bathroom sink? For when I host parties in the bathtub? And no, Don, I am not inviting you to a bathtub party….dream on pervert!!!

  6. Nancy McCrite
    Posted September 17, 2007 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    Please migrate down the street and help me! I bet my clutter would make you feel better. I have to tackle the playroom. It is very scary in there!

  7. Posted September 18, 2007 at 6:56 am | Permalink

    It’s nice to be remembered even if in a negative way. But not to worry…..I never bathe with packrats. 🙂

  8. dailydiatribes
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 6:58 am | Permalink

    You know I love you Don!!

  9. Nancy S
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 7:28 am | Permalink

    Are you sure the jewelry didn’t belong to a previous owner? Not to question your taste in jewelry, Nancy.

  10. Teensy
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Amen sista!!

  11. Kiki
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 11:52 am | Permalink

    Why is under the bathroom sink always so scray and gross? And why is it so hard to get rid of that stuff? There is good chance someone gave you that jewlery and you didn’t really like it so that was good place to throw it!
    Bring out those wine charms baby!

  12. Mojo
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 11:00 pm | Permalink

    I’m with Nancy S.

    My very FIRST thought was Nancy Mc left those sundries (and I was disappointed when she didn’t own up to it!) Tsk, tsk! First she leaves her crud for you to toss out, then she asks for help cleaning out her NEW digs.

    I think you should rename this post:
    “Nancy’s Got Nerve” Subtitled: “If Only She’d Left the Real Stuff”

  13. Posted September 19, 2007 at 7:19 am | Permalink

    Remembered and then loved all in the same thread is almost enough to inflate my ego.

  14. Dr. Renee
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 4:38 pm | Permalink

    She left you Squirrel Nutkin, I’m betting Nancy Mc left the crappy jewelry too!

    My husband has nicknamed me “Queen of Cull.” I will declutter anything. For a fee. Co-pay. Whatever. Beware when I get the urge to purge!

Post a Comment

Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: