Today found me in a mood to declutter. Normal folks would start with the areas that people see, but that is too mundane for me. I don’t mind things out in the open; I happily step around piles of junk. What haunts me is the hidden messes no one can see, under my sink and in my closet. I wonder what Freud would make of that?
Anyway, I decided it was time to see exactly what was underneath my sink. I have an L-shaped counter on my side of the bathroom, and it is deep and wide….all you Methodists join me here: DEEP AND WIDE, DEEP AND WIDE, MY BATHROOM SINK IS DEEP AND WIDE……Makes me want to hit a tent revival! CAN I GET AN AMEN????!!!!
Anyway, there is ample room under my sink for all sorts of crap to lurk, so I took a deep breath and plunged in. My first pass revealed 47 bars of hotel soap and 38 bottles of hotel mouthwash. What in the hell was I keeping all that for, I wondered? I don’t even use mouthwash. I also found five hotel showercaps. I have never used a showercap in my entire life. Ever. Needless to say, it all hit the trash.
Next I discovered a baggie with some ugly jewelry in it marked “$22 for set”. Now I know good and well I didn’t buy it, so where did it come from? Are any of you missing a necklace of weird pink beads with matching weird earrings? That you were selling for $22? No? Well, I can make you a good deal on it. $18 for the set, and I’ll even throw in the bizarre gold ball earrings I also found under the sink, at no extra charge!
There was a hurricane globe with fall leaves around it. Why did I put it under the bathroom sink? The world may never know. I chucked it in the garbage. I was starting to have a good time. There’s nothing like purging to get your blood pumping!
Into the garbage went the three almost empty containers of dental floss. “Begone”, I said to the torn hairnets. “I shall not save you for a rainy day,” I said to the seven eyeliner pencils in ugly shades. I was on fire, throwing things away that had been lurking around for years. How about that nasty smelling perfume from a gift basket my husband won in a drawing seven years ago? If I haven’t used it in seven years, it’s hardly likely to grow on me now!
I threw away mostly empty lotion bottles and nasty looking ponytail holders. I accepted that the 1/8 inch of moisturizer left in the bottle would not regenerate and fill itself back up, so I tossed it. Dried up nail polish? Gone. Three ancient tubes of mascara, guaranteed to transmit flesh eating bacteria right into your eyeball? Gone.
I did find one sweet treasure. Many years ago, on a trip up north, the goddess got her first hair cut and we wrapped some of her golden locks up for posterity. I found it in a travel bag with a couple of bottles of hotel mouthwash. I unwrapped it and stared, trying to remember when her hair was that soft and ferociously blonde. I was pretty sure the golden tresses pre-dated the first time she said “I hate you!”
Well, I filled an entire garbage bag with the crap from under the sink. I found four large tubes of toothpaste and twelve bars of soap, so I figure I won’t have to buy any until this time next year. I can hardly wait to clean my closet. There’s no telling what I can unearth from in there!