Monthly Archives: September 2007

It Came From the Fridge!!!!

I cleaned out the refrigerator today and violated rule number 32 of the Happy  Housewives code:  Never Open a Container That Has Been In There For Longer Than a Month. There was a container in my refrigerator that said Great Value Fat Free Sour Cream.  I knew I hadn’t bought it.  I don’t shop at Wal-Mart.  I […]

Some Things Should Just Be Left Alone

There are so many childhood rituals that have been tampered with or have just disappeared altogether.  Kids can’t play outside anymore thanks to CNN,  because we’re afraid they’ll be abducted by gypsies.  Thanks to Disney and Nickelodeon, the Saturday morning cartoon is a thing of the past.  Why would you plan your whole weekend around cartoon viewing when […]

I Am a Human Dictionary/Thesaurus/Phone Directory

My phone rings several times a day with people seeking information that apparently only I can provide.  I am trying to figure out how to bill for my time, which is extremely valuable.  For example, I just whiled away the afternoon in Nancy’s basement watching an old movie.  Don’t waste my time.  I’m a very busy woman. […]

A Daughter is a Blessing and a Curse

My twelve year old daughter is an amazing person.  She is a gifted athlete and a straight A student.  Everyone thinks she’s wonderful.  They don’t live with her. We were driving down the road the other day and I lifted my arm to scratch my back.  She looked at me and said quietly “MO’ ther”.  […]

Update

IT WAS VIRAL!!!!!!!  NO ANTIBIOTICS FOR THE BOY!!!!!!  TREAT THE SYMPTOMS AND CALL US IF HIS EYES ROLL BACK IN HIS HEAD OR HE STARTS SPEAKING IN TONGUES!!

Just Another Wacky Wednesday

 Today marks the one year anniversary of the death of my dear friend Jenny.  I still miss her every day; no one else appreciated the absurd quite like she did.  A group  of us were supposed to meet for breakfast today and then visit the cemetery, but alas, my life had other plans. My hulking […]

It Lives Under the Bathroom Sink

Today found me in a mood to declutter.  Normal folks would start with the areas that people see, but that is too mundane for me.  I don’t mind things out in the open; I happily step around piles of junk.  What haunts me is the hidden messes no one can see, under my sink and in my […]

Some Good Home Cookin’!!

I enjoy cooking most of the time and I am a reasonably good cook.  I can usually boil water without burning it and I can whip out Kraft mac and cheese with the best of them!  But  I wish I didn’t have to cook to feed a family;  it takes some of the enjoyment out of it.  […]

The National Weather Service Has Issued a Tornado Warning….

Today found me at the goddess’s school, prepared to take the class to lunch while her teacher went and enjoyed an hour of child free solitude.  The PTO sponsors this four times per year and it’s called “duty free lunch”.  Suckers….er, I mean, moms like me are drafted to come in and watch the class […]

In Which I Continue My Diatribe About the Male Inability to Locate Anything

It chills me to the bone to think the fate of the free world often rests in the hands of men.  No disrespect to our servicemen; my daddy served three tours in Vietnam and my older brother served in the first Gulf Disaster…uh…I mean war.  But based on the behavior of the men living in my home, I shudder […]