This morning my cable modem did not work. Again. And something within me snapped. The injustice of it all was too much to bear. How could I go on with no internet? How was I supposed to function with no Pogo, with no blogs to read? And so I did it. I got the phone book (The Real Yellow Pages) and made the call.
I called Shawn at Bellsouth and told him I was done with Habib. Told him Habib had broken my heart one too many times with his empty promises of fast and unlimited internet service. Oh sure, it was fast and unlimited….WHEN IT WORKED!!!! I told him I was ready for a new relationship with a real man, one who kept his promises to me. I told him I was ready for (cue the dramatic music)…..DSL!!
It took 30 minutes to forge my new ties. But in the end, I got more for less. Faster, more reliable high speed internet. Unlimited long distance and caller ID. DirecTV with the NFL Sunday ticket and 500 channels to surf! The only question I had was why did I wait so long?
I waited so long because I foolishly trusted Habib. “I can change,” he murmured in his thickly accented English, muted by the thousands of miles that separate Alabama from Khazakistan. “Your modem will work again, I promise,” he whispered seductively. “Just unplug it from the computer, turn in three circles, point yourself toward Mecca and say ‘Allah be praised’ in pig latin and reconnect your modem.”
But his promises were empty, meaningless, whispered to thousands of faceless women across the world, women who called him when there was no light in their lives, no Pogo on their computer screens. And he took advantage of us in our distress, whispering promises of unlimited internet, something he didn’t have the power to grant.
And so I say goodbye to Habib and put my trust in Shawn. Shawn is in Florida, just a day’s drive away. Shawn understands about Pogo and SEC football. Shawn also gave me $250 in cash rebates for ditching Habib. I’m easy, but I ain’t cheap!
My new modem is supposed to be here on Friday. And the moment I install it, I’m calling Habib and telling him to stick his cable modem where the sun don’t shine!