Goodbye Habib, It’s Time to Die…..

This morning my cable modem did not work.  Again.  And something within me snapped.  The injustice of it all was too much to bear.  How could I go on with no internet?  How was I supposed to function with no Pogo, with no blogs to read?  And so I did it.  I got the phone book (The Real Yellow Pages) and made the call.

I called Shawn at Bellsouth and told him I was done with Habib.  Told him Habib had broken my heart one too many times with his empty promises of fast and unlimited internet service.  Oh sure, it was fast and unlimited….WHEN IT WORKED!!!!  I told him I was ready for a new relationship with a real man, one who kept his promises to me.  I told him I was ready for (cue the dramatic music)…..DSL!!

It took 30 minutes to forge my new ties.  But in the end, I got more for less.  Faster, more reliable high speed internet.  Unlimited long distance and caller ID.  DirecTV with the NFL Sunday ticket and 500 channels to surf!  The only question I had was why did I wait so long?

I waited so long because I foolishly trusted Habib.  “I can change,” he murmured in his thickly accented English, muted by the thousands of miles that separate Alabama from Khazakistan.  “Your modem will work again, I promise,” he whispered seductively.  “Just unplug it from the computer, turn in three circles, point yourself toward Mecca and say ‘Allah be praised’ in pig latin and reconnect your modem.”

But his promises were empty, meaningless, whispered to thousands of faceless women across the world, women who called him when there was no light in their lives, no Pogo on their computer screens.  And he took advantage of us in our distress, whispering promises of unlimited internet, something he didn’t have the power to grant.

And so I say goodbye to Habib and put my trust in Shawn.  Shawn is in Florida, just a day’s drive away.  Shawn understands about Pogo and SEC football.  Shawn also gave me $250 in cash rebates for ditching Habib.  I’m easy, but I ain’t cheap!

My new modem is supposed to be here on Friday.  And the moment I install it, I’m calling Habib and telling him to stick his cable modem where the sun don’t shine!   



  1. Posted August 28, 2007 at 8:50 am | Permalink

    LOL, and welcome to the weird world of BellSouth DSL.

    Lovely Lady, I can’t visit you here as often as I’d love to because every time I do you crack me up, and I’m already in worse shape than Humpty Dumpty.

    Maybe you got that hunk Shawn in Florida when you phoned BellSouth to sign up for DSL, but when you have problems with it (and you eventually will) and call tech support don’t be surprised if Habib, or worse, Hashish answers your call. Your beauty, talent, and charm might work to your advantage and someone who speaks a language you can understand answers, but I don’t think tech support hires such critters. Outsourcing is so wonderful!!

    Oh, BTW, Hon, I’m going to have to go on a rampage and eliminate some squirrels because they are stealing my nuts —– pecans, that is.

  2. Andrea
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 10:42 am | Permalink

    Mine died last night after the power went out after the non-storm(Only major lightning, very little rain). Should I make the switch, too? We’ve discussed, it’s been such a long relationship with Habib, over 6 years! Let us now how it works out with you and Shawn and I might join the two of you. Do you mind?

  3. Renee
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    It’s about damn time!

  4. Kiki
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 11:41 am | Permalink

    Really, we’ve never had a day without the internet with DSL!

  5. Gina
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

    Well, Kiki… lately… lol, no really. I agree with Renee. ‘Bout damn time. And how does Tim feel about it?

  6. Posted August 28, 2007 at 4:51 pm | Permalink

    The BellSouth DSL kicks the Charter Broadband’s ass! I have been without my DSL for a couple of days – pre blog, thank god – but when the guy came out to fix it I did get a free modem.

    And Habib? He gets around waaay too much to trust him.

  7. Posted August 29, 2007 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    It is about damn time. Don, things may have changed since AT&T came back to town (in fact, I know they have — it takes some time to get a human now), but I’ve had excellent service with BellSouth. They actually know how to help me, and they’ll stay on the phone till the problem is fixed. I hope that continues.

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