Strange Dinner Table Conversation

Tonight we had hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. Not exactly gourmet fare, but easy and quick to get on the table. Because the goddess had accompanied me on my last trip to the grocery store, the macaroni was shaped like Sponge Bob and his compatriots.

So there we were, eating together companionably, when she stabbed a piece of macaroni and announced “I think this is Sandy.”

John looked at her in contempt. “That’s not Sandy,” he countered. “That’s Squidward.”

Let me interject here that all the macaroni noodles look exactly the same to me: orange blobs with cut out holes. They bear no resemblance to any cartoon character I have ever seen. But my children, being more discerning than me, thought otherwise.

“John, it is so Sandy,” the goddess said in annoyance.

“No it’s, not, it’s Squidward,” he argued.

“I think it looks like that, you know, that thing,” said Tom helpfully.

“You mean Gary the Snail?” asked Amy.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean,” he agreed. I felt like I had landed on another planet, one where I was the only intelligent life form. Why were these people even looking at the macaroni? Why not just do the American thing and shove it in your mouth without pausing to consider its shape?

Well, my family has issues, what can I say? It was paramount that the noodle be identified before anyone else took another bite. John got up from the table and walked over to get the box. He looked at it, pumped his fist in the air and said “Hah, Sandy isn’t even one of the choices!!” Oh sweet victory, to trump a six year old in the guessing of noodle shapes!! But then his face fell and he was forced to concede “But neither is Squidward.”

Which left us in a dilemma: who was that cheesy noodle character? Amy grabbed the box from John and said “See, I told you. It’s Gary the Snail.”

“Yeah,” said Tom. “Gary the snail.”

I just stared at my plate in shame. I felt as if we were the stars of the pilot episode of an extremely bad sit-com, one that had no chance of ever being picked up by a network, not even the WB. My family, however, happily polished off the rest of their macaroni and cheese, carefully identifying each character before consuming it. All I can say is Thank God for Prozac!!!

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10 Comments

  1. Kiki
    Posted August 26, 2007 at 10:07 pm | Permalink

    Now this is a subject I can relate to…or dinner time conversation consisted of the children discussing (for the millionth time)their favorite Sponge Bob episodes. And singing their favorite songs from their all time favorite show, as well. Frankly, things have gotten out of control around here as well.
    We’ve had SB mac and cheese before. I thought it was rip off. You get a lot less macaroni, and you definitely have a hard time telling who is who, especially if overcooked…they call all bloated and weird looking. I willnever be talked into that purchase again. My kids haardly eat it anyway(they are some of the few children on the planet who do not eat mac and cheese) and I end up scarfing down the whole pot myself when everyone gets ready for bed. Shameful, I tell you!

  2. Kiki
    Posted August 26, 2007 at 10:08 pm | Permalink

    Now this is a subject I can relate to…or dinner time conversation consisted of the children discussing (for the millionth time)their favorite Sponge Bob episodes. And singing their favorite songs from their all time favorite show, as well. Frankly, things have gotten out of contol around here as well.
    We’ve had SB mac and cheese before. I thought it was rip off. You get a lot less macaroni, and you definitely have a hard time telling who is who, especially if overcooked…they call all bloated and weird looking. I willnever be talked into that purchase again. My kids haardly eat it anyway(they are some of the few children on the planet who do not eat mac and cheese) and I end up scarfing down the whole pot myself when everyone gets ready for bed. Shameful, I tell you!

  3. Posted August 26, 2007 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    What did we have for dinner tonight?

    Hamburgers and mac and cheese. Though we had to settle for Shells & Cheese since we were out of the Scooby-Doo stuff. And Punkin’ can totally tell you what all of the characters are. I don’t even try to argue with him because I know he’s right.

    It sucks when your two year old is sometimes smarter than you are!

  4. Gina
    Posted August 27, 2007 at 6:07 am | Permalink

    Now, even though I refuse to watch or let anyone in my family watch Spongebob, I know who Squidward and Sandy are. But I have never heard of Gary the Snail. Seems Kraft has their character hierarchy screwed up. How can Squidward not make the cut I ask you? How?! Josh was ripped off.

  5. merediff
    Posted August 27, 2007 at 3:34 pm | Permalink

    have you been putting prozac into your family’s food? or did you OD on it yourself?

  6. Kiki
    Posted August 27, 2007 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

    Sorry about posting twice. I really didn’t think I posted at all, things got screwed up and said WordPress had some kind of problem. Whoops! My bad!
    Gina, Gary is SpongeBob’s pet snail. He meows like a kitty cat.
    Squidward looks like a giant testicle, and who would want to eat that, I ask you? I mean he is a squid. Not calamris style like in a restaurant either. Eewwww.

  7. Bill
    Posted August 27, 2007 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    My diagnosis is that if you watch more Sponge Bob, you need less Prozac.

    That will be $25, please.

  8. Teensy
    Posted August 27, 2007 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    Sponge Bob Square pants! Got to say, I love him. Watch him when the kids aren’t even there. But most of you know me and love me anyway. : )

  9. Renee
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    Sandy’s my favorite, even if she is a squirrel.

  10. Kiki
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    Sandy rocks! What a feminist, too! Tough, smart and she can breathe underwater with that special suit she wears. I’ve never seen any boy squirrels that smart…


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