My Husband is a Putz

I am in Huntsville, a good 2 1/2 hours away from home.  So why is it my job to take care of the goddess? 

Here’s how it works when Tim goes out of town.  He packs his clothes, after unsuccessfully trying to con me into packing them.  He tells us goodbye.  He leaves.  We don’t hear from him again until he comes back, unless there is an emergency or he needs me to do something for him.

Here’s how it works when I go out of town.  I go to the grocery store and lay in a supply of easy to prepare food.  I wash all the clothes.  I clean the kitchen.  I pack for myself and whatever child is accompanying me.  I call and beg favors from friends like Nancy and Gina, asking them to care for the goddess so Tim can go to work and earn the money he will later bitch at me for spending.  I leave town and in the first thirty minutes, he calls  five times to ask questions.  Gaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

When I left for Huntsville yesterday, I thought it was pretty straightforward.  Nancy would watch the goddess on Saturday and Tim would pick her up when he got done at work.  It’s not exactly rocket science.

At 12:15, my phone rings.  I am sitting in a chair on the sidelines of a soccer field, slowly melting into a puddle under the blazing Alabama sun.  I think it was only 105 in the shade today and I was in the full sun. 

“Hey,” he said.  “How’s the game going?”

“We haven’t started yet,” I told him.

“Well, I need you to call Nancy and tell her I am going home to work on the garbage disposal and see if she needs me to get the goddess.” 

Why I had to do this for him is a mystery to me.  As far as I know, Nancy is listed in the phone book and her number is easily accessible simply by dialing 411.  For an extra $.50 they’ll even dial it for you.  So how come I had to call her from my sweaty chair in Huntsville?

Well, of course I did it, because the welfare of my child and that of my friend Nancy are of paramount importance to me.  I called, Nancy assured me the kids were having fun and that the goddess could stay as long as she wanted.  I then called Tim to relay this information to him.  Two  unneccessary phone calls.

Well, the game ended, we came back to the hotel, and the phone rang again.  I was sitting in the lounge, having a cosmo, giving my new soccer friends a reason to talk about me. 

“I’m at Tom’s house, helping him with his new pool table.  Will you call Nancy and tell her and see if she needs me to pick up Anna?”

“You’re WHERE????” I sort of shrieked.  It was after 4:00 and he should have picked her up hours ago.  Why was he now in another neighborhood? 

“Well, I called your phone and told Abby to tell you to call Nancy and I guess she didn’t do it,” he said defensively.

I sort of had a come apart.  He called all the way to Huntsville to tell me to call Nancy who lives three doors down from us?  I had to drop what I was doing to call and check on our youngest child, who is currently not even the same city as me??  And it’s Abby’s fault that he’s too stupid to pick up the phone and do it himself???  Gaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I hung up on him, called Nancy and apologized profusely.  She once again assured me it was not a problem, she being the gracious southern lady that she is.  She told me not to yell at Tim, but it was too late.  I was already on fire.

I called him back and told him to get his ASS over there immediately to pick up our child.  Told him he had inconvenienced Nancy terribly.  Told him he was an irresponsible nitwit for dumping our child on a friend while he was out doing God knows what!

He hung up on me.   So that’s fine, I’m going back to the bar to have another Cosmo and I’m putting it on his credit card!



  1. Kiki
    Posted August 11, 2007 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    And as long as you don’t have to drive home tonight, make it a double!!!!!! And stay inside as much as possible! Especially when imbibing alcholic beverages.
    (BTW, I checked to see if that was redundant, but the dictionary says, consuming of liquids, and doenn’t specify alcoholic ones. However, I’ve never used the word to describe myself or anyone drinking oj or water, so…it probably is redundant. A learning experience!)

  2. Gina
    Posted August 11, 2007 at 5:13 pm | Permalink

    Dear, your husband is not the only putz out there. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure if you took a poll Teensy would be one the very few who would not, on most occasions, classify her hubby as a putz.

    And while I do agree that he was a major putz in this instance, you are also a push over. You should have told him to call Nancy himself long before he hung up on you. Like, oh, I don’t know… THE FIRST TIME HE CALLED!!!

  3. Nancy McCrite
    Posted August 11, 2007 at 7:09 pm | Permalink

    AHHH! I promise it was not a problem. The Goddess is very sweet and just goes with the flow. Please call me as I am very worried. Tim looked a little nervous when he picked up Anna. Peace and harmony on Spyglass Lane!

  4. Teensy
    Posted August 12, 2007 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    Yep, Gina you are rigt, Layton is not a putz. But right now, my brother is one! He’s had my kids since yesterday and promised to bring them home by 5pm today so I can do dinner, baths, and bed- tomorrow is school you see. But it’s almost 5:30 and they aren’t here. He’s called and he’s now feeding them when I already said I was feeding them at 5pm. But since his are homeschooled, they have no schedule!!! Ok, I feel better now. Timer is going off, dinner’s ready.

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