Monthly Archives: August 2007

Things I Hate

There are some things that really bug me.  For example, I hate it when you’re in the men’s room, like Senator Larry E. Craig and you go into a stall and your foot “accidentally” brushes the foot of the guy in the stall next to you.  Repeatedly.  And then, when you wave your hands under […]

Goodbye Habib, It’s Time to Die…..

This morning my cable modem did not work.  Again.  And something within me snapped.  The injustice of it all was too much to bear.  How could I go on with no internet?  How was I supposed to function with no Pogo, with no blogs to read?  And so I did it.  I got the phone […]

Strange Dinner Table Conversation

Tonight we had hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. Not exactly gourmet fare, but easy and quick to get on the table. Because the goddess had accompanied me on my last trip to the grocery store, the macaroni was shaped like Sponge Bob and his compatriots. So there we were, eating together companionably, when she stabbed […]

How I Know God Is a Woman

God is a woman.  Face it, if God was a man, we would all still be naked.  Because men like naked people.  Especially naked women. I believe God is a woman and She created man one day because there was nothing better to do.  I imagine Her up in heaven, flipping channels.  Infinite number of […]

911 What is Your Emergency?

I was cleaning my pantry this afternoon, looking for a bag of potatoes that had been in there at least two or three months, maybe even years.  I was desperately hoping the potatoes had not evolved into some sort of multi-eyed, multi-legged potato monster, lurking in the depths, waiting to rip my throat out when I […]

Today’s Search Terms

If this gets posted, it will make number three today, thus absolving me of the need to write anything else for the rest of the week.  Here is how people are finding my blog today: picked at a zit nothing came out 1 abscess on butt 1 buy funky church pews 1 I looked up […]

My Fans Find Me in the Unlikeliest Places

We went to eat Mexican after church today with a large group of people.  Or maybe we ate a large group of Mexicans at church, I forget which way it was. Anyway, we were at Hacienda and I was sitting in a corner, running my mouth, which is what I do best.  At one point, […]

Taking Back the Goddess’s Brain

The goddess watches too much TV.  I aid and abet her in this enterprise by letting her get away with it because I don’t want to entertain her.  I appease my conscience by telling myself that children’s television is MUCH more educational than it used to be.  I mean, Dora is bilingual and Sesame Street […]

I Didn’t Even Have to Swallow!

So after I wrote my previous post, I called the treasurer back and got the bank info.  I girded my loins (whatever the hell that means!!) and grimly headed to the bank.  I walked into the bank manager’s office and took a seat, waiting for her to finish her phone call.  I was feeling like a woman […]

Why Am I Such a Doofus???

Some people have an infinite capacity for love.  Others have an infinite capacity for goodness.  Still others possess endless amounts of energy and charm.  Then there’s me.  I have an infinite, inexhaustible supply of stupidity. I am really not being too hard on myself.  I am a total f***-up when it comes to certain things.  […]