The Siren Song of Summer

I am so tired of summer I could shriek.  Remember those first golden days when the kids slept in, there were no lunches to make, no bookbags to pack, no homework to finish at the last second and there was much rejoicing?  Well, I’m over it!  I am tired of summer and ready for the grind to begin again.

I know the WM’s (working moms) are insanely jealous, thinking that us SAHM’s (stay at home moms) lounge around the pool all day, watching the hot young lifeguards cavort while we sip on frozen maragaritas.  Well, ok, maybe some of that is true, but still, it is brutal to be at home during the summer.

For one thing, my young must eat constantly.  They stand in the kitchen all day, their mouths gaping open like baby birds waiting for mama to drop in the worm.  I produce a constant array of cereal, pop tarts, Little Debbie’s, grilled cheese sandwiches, ravioli, soup, potato chips, apples, carrots, Oreos, milk, popcorn, Slim Jims, cupcakes, peaches, frozen waffles, yogurt, and drop it into their little beaks and still they bleat “Moooooooooom, I’m Huuuuuuunnnnnnngry!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Talk about hard work!

When their bellies are full (which is really never) they then require entertainment.  Ok, sure, I know you’re all shaking your heads and saying “well, when I was a kid, we stayed outside all day.”  Well here’s the problem.  No one else in the world is outside.  And it’s hot.  And there are snakes.  And pedophiles.  And flesh eating bacteria.  So they stay inside and they fight with me for control of the computer.  And sometimes I lose and then my life is really bad. 

They want me to take them places and spend money on them, vast quantities of money that only Bill Gates could produce.  “Take me to the movies/mall/bowling/Alabama Adventure/movie store/laser tag/ice skating/roller skating/anywhere but here at home where there is NOTHING TO DO!!!  If there is no planned activity for the day, they stare at me in disbelief.  How could I be so crass as to suggest they entertain themselves?  Their constitutional right to be constantly stimulated has been violated!  Call George Bush!!!!

During the summer, I become a one woman Disney World.  I am a one stop source for food and entertainment.  And believe me, my house is a destination, judging from the constant flow of children through it.  Last night only two of the children staying here were not related to me by blood.  That number can get much higher.  I may start charging occupation taxes.

I really do enjoy my life as a mom.  And I am grateful I don’t have to get up every morning and put on pantyhose.  But by this point in the summer, I am ready to farm out my young to the highest bidder and make a run for the border.  Only I don’t have a passport so I guess I’ll have to stay put.  For now!

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4 Comments

  1. Teensy
    Posted July 26, 2007 at 6:32 am | Permalink

    Let me know when ya get your passport, I’ll come too!

  2. Gina
    Posted July 26, 2007 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    Ditto. Oh wait, I can’t get a freaking passport because I don’t have a birth certificate. *#)%$#)%*@)# mother of mine.

  3. Posted July 26, 2007 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    This is off-topic, but I thought the ladies who read this blog might enjoy it:

    A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :-

    “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies”. God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

    The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
    woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
    awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home ….. picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.

    He drove to the electricity company and the phone
    company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping,
    came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

    He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home which he had to sort out in a gentle ‘motherly’ fashion. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and was able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
    fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for an early dinner.

    After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
    dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although his chores weren’t finished for the day, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaining. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said :-

    “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so
    wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, O please, let us trade back!” The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last night!!!

    The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is
    thinking everyone is out to get you. That’s normal — they are. Paranoia
    is thinking that they’re conspiring.
    — J. Kegler

  4. Posted July 29, 2007 at 9:19 am | Permalink

    Have passport (thank you, last job!), will travel!!

    I remember staying outside all day as a child, too. I only got to come in for lunch! Of course, I was allowed to roam the neighbor hood as I pleased or play in the yard unattended as long as I liked.

    How times have changed! I don’t think my son has ever been alone for more than a minute or two, even in our fenced in yard! So we also stay inside, all day, avoiding the god awful heat.

    But school starts in two weeks (yea!) and all that will be left at home are the young ones so we will be spending our time at the pool without worring about hiding his eyes so he can’t see the teenagers groping each other!


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