I am so tired of summer I could shriek. Remember those first golden days when the kids slept in, there were no lunches to make, no bookbags to pack, no homework to finish at the last second and there was much rejoicing? Well, I’m over it! I am tired of summer and ready for the grind to begin again.
I know the WM’s (working moms) are insanely jealous, thinking that us SAHM’s (stay at home moms) lounge around the pool all day, watching the hot young lifeguards cavort while we sip on frozen maragaritas. Well, ok, maybe some of that is true, but still, it is brutal to be at home during the summer.
For one thing, my young must eat constantly. They stand in the kitchen all day, their mouths gaping open like baby birds waiting for mama to drop in the worm. I produce a constant array of cereal, pop tarts, Little Debbie’s, grilled cheese sandwiches, ravioli, soup, potato chips, apples, carrots, Oreos, milk, popcorn, Slim Jims, cupcakes, peaches, frozen waffles, yogurt, and drop it into their little beaks and still they bleat “Moooooooooom, I’m Huuuuuuunnnnnnngry!!!!!!!!!!!!” Talk about hard work!
When their bellies are full (which is really never) they then require entertainment. Ok, sure, I know you’re all shaking your heads and saying “well, when I was a kid, we stayed outside all day.” Well here’s the problem. No one else in the world is outside. And it’s hot. And there are snakes. And pedophiles. And flesh eating bacteria. So they stay inside and they fight with me for control of the computer. And sometimes I lose and then my life is really bad.
They want me to take them places and spend money on them, vast quantities of money that only Bill Gates could produce. “Take me to the movies/mall/bowling/Alabama Adventure/movie store/laser tag/ice skating/roller skating/anywhere but here at home where there is NOTHING TO DO!!! If there is no planned activity for the day, they stare at me in disbelief. How could I be so crass as to suggest they entertain themselves? Their constitutional right to be constantly stimulated has been violated! Call George Bush!!!!
During the summer, I become a one woman Disney World. I am a one stop source for food and entertainment. And believe me, my house is a destination, judging from the constant flow of children through it. Last night only two of the children staying here were not related to me by blood. That number can get much higher. I may start charging occupation taxes.
I really do enjoy my life as a mom. And I am grateful I don’t have to get up every morning and put on pantyhose. But by this point in the summer, I am ready to farm out my young to the highest bidder and make a run for the border. Only I don’t have a passport so I guess I’ll have to stay put. For now!