I was watching Brokeback Mountain on Saturday. I love that movie because it’s such a beautiful love story. However, there are some extremely graphic and disturbing scenes with which I am not comfortable. I am not talking about the gay sex which is a tiny blip on my mental radar. Hey to each his own. Who am I to worry about how people have sex and with whom? I don’t like to imagine men and women having sex, or two men or even two labrador retrievers for that matter.
No, what bothered me was the sex scene with Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway was in The Princess Diaries. Anne Hathaway was in Ella Enchanted. Anne Hathaway is pure and good. So what is she doing rolling around in the back seat of a car, groping Jake Gyllenhall?? Not that he isn’t grope-worthy; that’s not the point. The point is that Princess Mia cannot be doing the deed in the backseat of a Chevy with a gay cowboy.
But the most disturbing moment came when she unbuttoned her blouse and her bosoms sprang free. Ewwwwwwwwww!!! Gross!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ella Enchanted doesn’t have bosoms!!!!!!!! That is soooooooooo disgusting! I imagine this is how audiences felt when Julie Andrews, fed up with her Mary Poppins image, decided to bare her breasts in the Blake Edwards movie SOB. Good girl screen icons are not supposed to have boobies and if they do, their audience is never supposed to see them.
So that is the number one reason to avoid watching Brokeback Mountain. Gay cowboys are the least of your worries. No, the real issue is the visual of Anne Hathaway’s nipples springing free into Jake G.’s face. That’s enough to send me screaming to therapy!! Keep your shirt on Anne and get back to ruling Genovia!!