Why I’ll Be Famous One Day

Wow, I sat down with a totally different post in mind, but then I happened to check out my stats.  I LOVE WordPress!!!  It shows you what terms people typed in to find your blog.  What a hoot!!  Here is the list which I cut and pasted:

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

stein mart…..1 view

goddess patty squashing…..1 view

my friend the squirrel gone wild…..1 view

who sang vocals for REO candle in the wi…..1 view

Yesterday

bad mullet photos…..1 view

get cleaning in minutes + bedroom + list……1 view

recurring abscess in butt…..1 view

mommy’s gone wild…..1 view

Hmmmmmmm, goddess patty squashing” does not sound even vaguely familiar.  I know I have NEVER written about squashing goddess patties.  That doesn’t sound nice.  I have my guesses as to what a goddess patty might be and it ain’t pretty!!!

I love “recurring abscess in butt”.  I never said mine was recurring.  It was a one time thing.  I fixed it, it’s gone, let’s move on people.  That’s almost scarier than the person who found me by googling purple ear wax.  She posted a note to let me know she and I had the only two known cases of purple earwax on the internet.  Hers, however, was not caused by cleaning her ears with a BIC pen.  I believe it might have come about when she stopped taking her lithium.

“My friend the squirrel gone wild” is self explanatory.  Obviously, some poor soul was trying to have a relationship with a squirrel and was betrayed by the base nature of the beast.  Little buck-toothed imps from hell is what I’m talking about.  I think I am going to hire Joe and we will spend hours videoing squirrels in their ongoing attempts to seize power and control the universe.  Our “Squirrels Gone Wild” franchise will make “Girls Gone Wild” look extremely pathetic in comparison.

And then we have “mommy’s gone wild” which will be our next video project.  This would describe me yesterday as I entered the goddess’s bedroom with a wad of garbage bags, a rake, a shovel, and a bottle of Wild Turkey.  It disturbed me slightly when I found Snow White in the closet with no head.  Within minutes, I found Sleeping Beauty, also decapitated.  I was sensing a disturbing trend here and I was not amused.    There is a serial killer on the loose, one who preys on innocent Disney princesses, luring them into the closet and then pulling their heads off.  Be afraid, be very afraid!!!

The “who sings REO candle in the Wi” confuses me slightly.  REO didn’t sing candle in the wind.  But maybe they meant that lyric “you’re a candle in the window….la la” but what does that have to do with me?  I don’t burn candles.  Last time I burned a candle, it was in the bathroom and I had it to close to the wall and all the wax dripped down behind the toilet.  Seriously, next time you’re over, look behind the toilet.  There’s a big glob of pink and yellow wax back there!! 

After seeing all these google searches, I am going to make sure to include an entertaing search term in every post.  Today’s theme will be “funky butt loving chickens”.  Everyone start your search engines and see where I rank!!  And no cheating Joe; keep the Spider away from me!!   

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