I’m sorry I have been incommunicado; apparently the router Tom installed so he could use his fancy little laptop interferes with our internet connection. And did he leave the fancy little laptop at home for me to use? Oh no, I am not worthy!!! So if you have a gripe, please direct it to him; it’s his fault!!
I took the girls to Alabama Adventure today. We went with Teensy and her children. It was raining when we got there, but once the rain cleared, it was actually pretty nice. The temperature was in the 80’s and the cloud cover kept it pretty cool. The kids went to the bumper cars first. There is a height requirement and one little boy, probably around 7 or 8, was most distressed when he realized he would not be able to smash other people to his hearts content.
He burst into sobs and his mama rushed to him and picked him saying “aw baby, that’s just shitty. Just shitty. I’m so sorry honey; it’s just shitty.” I nearly swallowed my tongue. I have a potty mouth extraordinaire, but I don’t use profanity to comfort my young. Usually I am using it to threaten their lives, so this was a totally new context for me.
From the bumper cars we went to the log ride and then to the wild river gorge and then to the ferris wheel. Then it was time for lunch. Teensy and I stood in line forever to purchase overpriced chicken fingers and overcooked hamburgers. Normally, I would bring lunch, but today it was just too much.
While we were in line, Amy was experimenting with the jet propulsion properties of ketchup packets. The goddess came running up to us with ketchup globs on her face and squealed “Amy shot me with ketchup on purpose!!!”
I called Amy over and of course she claimed that she never meant to hit the goddess, that she had “accidentally” fired it right in her face. Yeah, right, and Scooter Libby “accidentally” outed Valerie Plame. (That was my insightful, political humor; aren’t you proud of me Kathy??)
After lunch, we lurched onward through the amusement park. Teensy and I were both feeling slightly over-full, but the children were not so encumbered. They proceeded to ride every spinning, whirling, twirling thing possible and amazingly, lunch stayed down! We split up briefly, with Teensy taking the older girls to check out the Zoomerang and I took the younger kids over to the kiddie coaster.
I rode the kiddie coaster three times straight and that was enough amusement for me. I collapsed on a bench and prayed for an early frost while the kids continued to whiz around and around. Teensy came back with the older girls and the news that the Zoomerang was closed for cleaning. When Teensy asked why it was closed, the attendant told her “some kid vomited on the ride….. A LOT!!!!!” This was confirmed as we were walking away when an employee leaned over the side of the ride and hollered down “NO, WE NEED A MUCH BIGGER BUCKET THAN THIS AND MORE DISINFECTANT!!” Needless to say, we didn’t linger.
We hit all the kiddie rides and then wound back around for a couple more turns on the spinning things. Then it was back to the river gorge and the log ride, and finally the bumper cars. In other words, we put in a FULL DAY!! We had a hard time peeling the kids away from the park; the big kids couldn’t get enough of the bumper cars, but finally, we got them out the front gate.
We were in the car five minutes before the goddess started moaning that she had a headache and she was thirsty. “Mommy, my head is beeping,” she moaned, which is goddess speak for “beating” or “pounding”. (Her heart “beeps” too.) Uh oh, I thought to myself, trouble is a comin’! Sure enough, five minutes later, she was heaving her guts out in a plastic bag. It was then handed to me and I was forced to hold it through the long commute home in rush hour traffic, which was fortunately very light!
We got to Tom’s office, I transferred the girls over to my car and we rushed home….to attend a birthday party at the pool! That’s right, I hadn’t been outside quite enough hours, so I went and sat for two more!! By now, the goddess was fully restored to health and was ravenously hungry. She swam for two hours and put away three pieces of pizza. Ah, to be young again!
That was today and nothing else has happened this week. I did fill my bird feeders yesterday and I swear, I must be under 24 hour squirrel surveillance because 30 minutes after I filled them, one of the enemy appeared in my backyard. He acted all casual, like he was just out for a stroll, but he was surreptitiously making his way toward my bird feeders. Like I wasn’t gonna see his beady little ass! I waited until he was almost to the sidewalk before I popped out on to the deck and chucked a crayon at his head. When that didn’t work, I did a sort of high karate kick and screamed. That got him moving. No squirrels in the bird feeder on my watch!!!!!