The Cocoa Krispies Lobby

Sorry I haven’t updated; I have been trying to recover from our “vacation” and also trying to clean the house so we can have a cookout for Tim’s birthday.  If you would like to come be part of the festivities, the party starts at 6:30.

This morning found me in the car with Josh, heading to Cahaba Heights.  You see, last night I was struck by an overwhelming craving for a Hardee’s Biscuit.  There is not a single Hardee’s within a ten mile radius, so I had to drive quite a distance to satisfy my lust.  I love Hardee’s biscuits.  They are brown and crispy and slathered with some sort of butter/grease.  I don’t muck them up with anything; I like ’em plain.

While we were driving, Josh and I got into a deep discussion about global warming.  You have to understand, I am incapable of having a brief conversation with my children.  Inevitably, I launch into a full dissertation that would make a college professor proud.  Because naturally, global warming segued into lobbyists and how the political system works.

“You see Josh,” I intoned, “global warming has been accelerated by our dependence on oil, which is fueled by the Texas oil lobby and George Bush is from Texas, so it’s all his fault.”

“Huh?” he asked intelligently.

“Well, lobbyists run politics, son.  It’s not government “by the people for the people”, it’s government by whoever has the most money.”

“What?” he looked at me blankly.

“Ok, pretend you are the Cocoa Krispies boss,” I told him.  “You make all the cocoa krispies and everyone knows you do.  You pay a lobbyist to bug the politicians so they will make sure people continue to buy all their Cocoa Krispies from you.”

Still a blank stare.  “Ok, look,” I told him.  “What if some group wanted to import Cocoa Krispies from Mexico and could sell them cheaper than your cocoa krispies?  Then people will want to buy the cheaper, Mexican Cocoa Krispies.  That’s why you pay a lobbyist; he’ll bribe the politicians to make sure the legislation to import Mexican Cocoa Krispies doesn’t pass, and people still have to buy their Cocoa Krispies from you.”

I smiled at him, satisfied that I had explained the whole, corrupt political system to him.

He looked at me, scratched his head, and said “why would anybody want to buy crappy Mexican Cocoa Krispies anyway?”  Which was sort of exactly my point, if you think about it. 

Well, fortunately, we pulled into the Hardees’ drive thru at that moment, so our attention was diverted to ordering.  Before I end this ridiculous diatribe, I have to tell you I was quite taken by the Hardees’ monster biscuit.  Hardees’ is reinventing itself as the destroyer of America’s health with its Thickburgers and now, its monster biscuits.

I mentally renamed the monster biscuit the “Gentile Biscuit” because it is a sausage patty, three bacon strips, a slab of ham, and a slab of egg.  There must be approximately 2500 calories in it and it is completely off limits to those of the Jewish persuasion with its load of pork products.  I would like to feed one to somebody and then check his cholesterol level.  It’s a heart attack waiting to happen!

Anyway, we got our biscuits and went home and I have to say, it wasn’t worth the trip.  They didn’t slather on nearly enough butter/grease for me, although I ate it anyway.  But it wasn’t a total loss since Josh now knows how to operate as a Cocoa Krispies kingpin!!

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8 Comments

  1. Gina
    Posted July 3, 2007 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    An Inconvenient Truth actually wasn’t a bad movie. I’m not starting a political discusion with any of you conservatives about Al Gore’s political aspirations in making the movie. Just my oppinion. It was worth watching. Rent it for him.

  2. Kiki
    Posted July 3, 2007 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

    I agree with Josh, who wants those crappy Mexican Cocoa Krispies anyway, or any of those poisonous Chinese ones, for that matter! I wonder how many calories are in one of those Monster Gentile Biscuits. I love pig, myself, though; sounds tempting. A, Z and I stopped by Krispy Kreme this morning though–blew my whole workout on 2 hot, fresh Krsispy Kremes! Yum! And I didn’t even have to share with Kirby!

  3. Renee
    Posted July 3, 2007 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    Ok, I prescribe a dose of the movie “Supersize” to all you fast food addicts willing to sacrifice your health on this crap. Watch it and cry! (I didn’t go to medical school for nuthin’ – I went so I could sound sanctimonious!)

  4. Bill
    Posted July 4, 2007 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    Do I have to pay $25 for reading Comment #3?

  5. Kiki
    Posted July 4, 2007 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    I thought Supersize was pretty good! It helped me. I definitely do not eat at McD’s nearly as much as I used to. But I still love to eat junk food. Anything is okay in moderation (well, maybe most thngs are okay in moderation), and somethings are more okay than others. Of course, one person’s McD’s (or Hardees) is another person’s heroin, huh!?

  6. Mojo
    Posted July 5, 2007 at 7:38 am | Permalink

    1) Fuel for that big white Suburban to trek to the Cahaba Heights Hardee’s.

    2) The transfatty butter/grease heaped into and slathered onto that “heart attack in a wrapper.”

    Aaaah…two fine examples of America’s “dependence on oil.”

  7. dailydiatribes
    Posted July 5, 2007 at 8:15 am | Permalink

    Damn straight!! We have to keep the oil companies in business!! And far be it for me not to elevate my cholesterol so I can be a burden on society with my obese, artery clogged, heart attack waiting to happen self!!

  8. Teensy
    Posted July 8, 2007 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    We all know that global warming was made up by Al Gore so he can make money. : )


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