Five Things of Significance:
1. Nancy S. is absolutely right: the bathing suit changes every day are enough to make Mother Teresa cuss a blue streak. Imagine shepherding 11 little girls into a bathroom with six stalls and waiting for them to change into a spandex swimsuit. Each little girl emerges from her stall, looking confused, with an armful of clothing: one shirt, one pair of shorts, one pair of panties, two socks, two shoes and several other items. All of these items are being juggled by the child in question while she attempts to walk in a straight line. By the time she covers the ten feet to me, the panties have dropped, one of the socks is missing and the water bottle is nowhere to be found. So add five minutes per girl for locating lost items and rearranging swimsuit straps so they are not cutting off the blood flow to vital organs.
2. Imagine, now that the little darlings are dressed, applying sunscreen to the same 11 little girls. All are translucent, with skin that is turning pink even under the fluorescent bathroom lights. These girls are third degree burns, just waiting to happen under your care. Each girl must be painstakingly coated, head to toe, with 55 SPF sunscreen. Don’t forget the ears and between the toes. Of course, some of the sunscreen with make its way into an angelic little eye, necessitating a hike to the nurse’s station, which is conveniently located half a mile away down a rocky road.
3. Everywhere we go, we have to carry a stupid sign on a stupid piece of stupid PVC pipe. We are the “Tikki Trekkers”. I wanted to be the “Hawaiian Hula Hussies” but I got voted down as usual. We hike down the rocky road hollering “Tiki Trekkers” at the top of our lungs. The little girl carrying the sign cannot hold it up straight and is constantly bashing me in the head with it. Every couple of minutes, the PVC pipe comes down squarely on my skull. Two of the Tikki Trekkers are painfully slow. When one of them has to carry the sign, we lag a full mile behind the rest of the troop. One day we will be lost in the woods, but it’s ok, because I can construct a shelter with the PVC pipe.
4. One of our little campers got stung by a wasp today. The ear splitting shriek she produced had some people thinking the severe weather siren was sounding. I piggy-backed her down the rock road to the nurse’s station, while she hung on for dear life, obstructing my jugular vein. I nearly blacked out and had visions of floating in a cool lagoon with a tropical drink melting in my hand. Alas, the vision eroded and I found myself instead sipping lukewarm water from a Solo cup while the sting was doctored. I really did feel badly for her; if I get stung by a wasp, I am DONE!!!
5. Some lucky campers got to see a gen-u-ine copperhead snake in the middle of the trail. It was only five feet long. I am not particularly scared of snakes, but I can only imagine the reaction of the Tikki Trekkers were we to encounter one. Do snakes have ears? Cause if they do, they would be trying to cover them when the Tikki’s started screaming! I figure the PVC pipe is for whacking snakes!